Feel Good Friday

This is my first time at Feel Good Friday, and I love the idea! I'm going to commit to getting back to my blog (after all of my summer fun is over, as well as my self admitted addiction to bejewelled blitz on facebook - what can I say - I am type A, super competitive, and it's really facebook's fault for posting all of your friend's scores - I. Must. Beat. Everyone.)

Ahem.

Anyhow.

My feel good post is about my daughter. My soon to be 4 year old daughter. Her birthday is on Saturday, and the day she was born will be etched in my memory forever. Every little detail.

You see, she isn't really even supposed to be here. A series of events occurred that, in many opinions, created and saved her little, fragile, perfect life. First of all, she was an IVF baby. She was conceived after 1 failed fresh IVF cycle and 3 frozen cycles. On our second (and last) crack at IVF, we finally got our BFP. We were thrilled (and a little stunned, as I had finally, after 9 years, accepted that we might not be able to have a child).

At my 18 week ultrasound, her measurements were small, and because we knew the exact date of conception, they were concerned. I was monitored closely, and had an u/s once every few weeks to measure growth. I had placenta previa, which was preventing her from getting the nutrients she needed to grow properly. As time went on, her growth got to be less and less.

Finally, when I was 7 months, the u/s alarmed everyone enough to send me to the next big city to have her. That is where I met the doctor that saved my girl's life. This doctor monitored me so closely, I think I could run an u/s machine on my own by now. She kept my daughter inside of me for more than a month after that, and even though she was only 2.5 lbs. when she was born, it would have been devastating had she been born before that.

The morning my daughter was born, I was sent for yet another u/s. It was at this appointment (and definitely kept from me) that the cord was wrapped around her neck twice. The radiologist ordered me to the hospital immediately for a c/s (but not before calling my hubby off of the golf course while he was having the round of his life). Right before they gave me the spinal, they did another u/s, later I found out it was to make sure my baby was still alive.

The next 6 weeks were spent in the NICU, watching her get big enough to come home, with no real ill effects.

Even though it wasn't the ideal pregnancy, so many things happened at the right times, with the right people to allow us to not only meet our daughter, but to watch a perfectly healthy, vibrant, bright tiny newborn grow into our wonderful 4 year old.

That is what makes my Friday so Feel Good!

By the way, this is being linked through this great girl's blog - check her out - you'll love her!!

Some Blogger I Am

Well, I started up this new fandangled blog, just to blow it off after only 20-some posts. I have to admit, I've been cheating on my blog.

Cheating with all of the nice weather we've had, cheating with my kids in the back yard, cheating taking drives with the kids looking for wildlife...

And we've been having a great time!

I'm loving finally having a vehicle (I didn't have one for the first 8 or so months that we've been here), the freedom to just take off and go exploring is awesome! For those of you who don't know, we moved up to the Northwest Territories, Canada last August for my husband's work. It is way north, in fact less than 100 km south of the Arctic Circle. The weather has been awesome this summer so far, but the winters can get really ugly - one of the perks of staying at home with the kids here is that I can actually stay home if I want!!

We love going to the dump. I know that makes us sound really redneck (and in many ways I will admit we are), but the dump is a huge source of entertainment here. We go bear watching, people watching (it's amazing how interesting it is to watch people "shop" at the dump) and bird watching. I swear our ravens are as big as large dogs.

Okay, not that big, but still.

It certainly is a different world up here, I have become someone who went from panicked type "A" to not really watching the clock to make sure we get some where on time. I hate people like me. How inconsiderate! I fear I'm getting lazy in my new found freedom-from-time-and-responsibility, but the trade off is hanging out with the kids all day, doing whatever we want.

What the hell am I going to do when my daughter starts school and I have to actually set an alarm clock? Does carpooling work if only the other Mom drives? Yep, getting lazy.

Anyhow, I am recommitting to my blog, hoping to share some more pics of the beauty that is the NWT and hoping to get back to writing.

A girl can dream, right?

My 3 Year Old Wants Boobies

I was going to try and use this blog as just my own, my "time away from the kids", but I just have to share. My 3 year old girl is obsessed with watching me get dressed, obsessed with my bra and my "boobies". I find it quite funny, yet disturbing all at the same time. She loves playing with my bras, pretending she's wearing them, she's even taken a toy with an elastic attached to it, and wore it around her chest, claiming that she, too, has a bra.

Funny stuff.

Until.

I started thinking about all of the things to come with a daughter, and got sweaty palms (that's what happens to me when I think of things like this, or, you know, death and stuff). I flashed forward to the first day of her period, the day she has questions that I know the answers to, but will stumble and fumble with my words, finally faking a coughing/choking episode. With any luck, I won't be faking and I won't recover from it.

I am the kind of person who will ride the wave, thinking that there is lots of time to come up with the right things to say, that I have all of the time in the world to prepare for the inevitable, but I also know in the back of my mind that one day she's just going to spring shit on me and I'm going to do my best deerintheheadlights.

But for now, I'm going to enjoy the cuteness of it all, enjoy the little 3 year old that has so much innocence. So much innocence in fact, that I wasn't surprised at all when, the other day, she asked if I have hair on my bum.

Excuse me while I dry the palms of my hands...

Something I've Always Wanted To Do

As I approach a number closer to 40 (not until next March, but still - time seems to be going faster and faster), I am thinking about the things I have ambitions to do. Lately, I have been thinking that I would like to run a 5K.



The thought of crossing that finish line with so much pride and satisfaction gets me a little excited! The thought of actually running it terrifies the bejeebies out of me. I mean, really. I'm not a runner. I don't even own a pair of runners. I own loafers (huh, what is this telling me?), I own sandals, sandals with straps, heels, flowers, I even own golf sandals (which I love, by the way). I don't own runners. Therefore, I don't run. But, I think I could run.



I'm not sure how I would start training, or where I would run, or even how long a 5K should take me (I don't care, really, how long it takes, I just don't want to finish last). You know that saying, "you don't have to be the fastest, you just have to be faster than the slowest"? That's kinda where I see myself. Although, I do have to say, I am kind of athletic, I think I could do this. I do pretty much every sport but running.



I think I'm talking myself into this.

By Definition

In looking back on my life, I guess I've always been defined by something. Whether it was being the daughter with the good grades, or the athletic one, or the musical one (yes, I was a band geek, and yes, I did go to band camp - you don' t know what you're missing!). There was always something there that defined me.

I guess in a way that's good, but I don't want my kids to ever think that that's what they "are". I think it's important for everyone to have something they can call their own, but I certainly don't think it should define them totally. As a side note, I don't think the above labels were ever put on me by my parents, just by myself. Thus the reason for this post.

Is it fair to put labels on ourselves, define ourselves by something we do or have in our lives? I'd like to think that there are many things that define me, totally. I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend, an optician, a golfer, the list could go on and on.

Another reason for this post is that I was thinking back about the time period where we dealt with infertility for 9 years, before we were blessed with our daughter. There was a period where I let our inability to have kids define me. It was all consuming. It seemed that no matter where I looked, someone was asking us when were having kids, someone was pregnant, or I was getting an invitation to a baby shower. It was everywhere, and I felt like I couldn't escape this horrible feeling that my failure to have kids was who I was.

I have a different view of things now that I have come out to the "other side". I would admit, as well, that it is easier to say that it was wrong (for me) to let infertility define me now that we have kids. For those who will never get their chance to be parents, it is easy to let it define them, perhaps for life. I am one of the very lucky ones who can look back on it as a learning experience, a lesson in patience, acceptance and perseverance.

I don't define myself by this any longer, but I do wear the label, the badge with pride. It is nothing you would ever want to go through, but it does change you, and for the better, if you let it. It will be with us forever, when we explain to our daughter how she was conceived, to our children how very much they were wanted and how the pain of the journey never quite goes away.

These days, by definition, a part of me is a Mom, a big part of me. While I don't think it's necessarily a good thing to let one thing define a person, this is one label I will proudly display for the rest of my life.

Break Up

Over the last week or so, we've been experiencing "break up" here in Norman Wells. The ice on the Mackenzie River is breaking up and flowing towards the Arctic Ocean, and normally it's really something to see. This year, apparently is a little different, in that it's a slower break up, so not as dramatic as in past years. Having never seen this, we are still very impressed! The mountains of ice are really impressive to see, and it's nice to see open water down the river. Here are some pictures we took of break up, it's hard to realize the size of the ice mountains until there is a person standing in front of them (unfortunately, that person was me!).



The river covered in ice with the trees and mountains in the background

Jayda wanted to go swimming, so we tested the water. She decided it was a little too cold!!

Really beautiful ice formations, it really is quite a neat sight to see!

From The Worst To The Best

I used to hate Mother's Day. I would just dread the day and everything having to do with it. Don't get me wrong, I am very appreciative of my Mom, and celebrated the day with her every year. However, after getting married and deciding to try to have a baby ourselves (with no success for 9 years), I disliked the day more and more, year after year. Commercials on tv, signs everywhere you turn, even people wishing you a Happy Mother's Day (I must have "looked" old enough to have kids, and I guess it was just an assumption). Hate, hate, hate.

I know that hate is a strong word, but ask anyone who has trouble having children when they want to have them. Hate is pretty appropriate.

Mother's Day 2007 became one of my favorite days, after our daughter was born in July of 2006. I feel a little selfish in saying that I hated a day meant to honor my Mom, and like I said, I would celebrate with her every year, but there was a huge chunk of my heart missing, especially on that day. Anyhow, in preparation for "MY" special day in 2007, I did everything I could to instruct my husband on how to make this day the best it could be for me. That sounds very selfish as well, but let me tell you, my hubby's specialty isn't putting a huge amount of thought into special occasions.

He does okay, but he's a last minute kid of guy, so I wanted to make sure I wasn't getting tennis rackets for my very first Mother's Day (another story for another time). I informed him that I was sleeping in that day, and that I wanted a ring from my daughter. That was pretty much it, but it was important that I got a piece of jewelery from my little girl. And to this day, whenever I look at my ring, I remember how special my 1st Mother's Day was, and how long I waited for it.

I am not high maintenance, by any means (even my hubby will tell you that), but, damnit, I was going to get the gift I wanted and spend the day the way I wanted - and I did. Because I earned it. Happy Mother's Day to all Mom's, and to everyone who has a child whom they haven't met yet.