Thoughts From The Wells

Welcome to a Northern Girl's Take on Things

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Day 4

It's now day 4, and I have to say I'm doing pretty darn good!  I've had cravings here and there, but nothing unmanageable.  Today, though, I woke up with a screamin' headache and the feeling like my eyeballs are going to explode - but I might just be getting sick, who knows...

When you're doing something like quitting smoking, try to lose weight, etc.  they say that the most successful people are the ones who seek support from others.  I never really bought into that, as I'm a pretty private person and very proud, so I hardly ever ask for help.  However, I searched Google for a quit smoking support board and found one I thought I could hang around with.  I registered, introduced myself, and found myself faced with a whole mess of welcomes and congratulations from its members.  Now if that doesn't make a person feel good....!

I have also posted on another board that I frequent and was met with another onslaught of well wishes.  Two things occurred to me in all of this.  One, people just wantto encourage others and share their experiences with them.  Two, the encouragement and support from complete strangers does wonders!  I feel completely stronger in my quit because of all of the great comments I've gotten.

I truly believe this applies in no matter what you're setting out to do - quit smoking, lose weight, change habits, anything. 

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to give me their support, every single comment does make a difference!

Friday, January 28, 2011

I Quit!

Edited to add:  This post is my Feel Good Friday!!  I can't imagine feeling better about anything right now than not smoking!!  Hop on over the Tami's blog to join in the fun!!

So, I have a little (actually gigantic) ugly secret.  I am a smoker.  Check that, I was a smoker.  I had my last cigarette a couple of days ago.  I'm doing good, still craving a smoke like crazy more often than I would like, but I'm fighting them off, and slowly, very slowly getting control of this awful death grip.

I know that probably most of you reading this aren't smokers, and probably have never smoked.  (People like me seem to be in the huge minority these days!)  It is so hard for someone who someone who hasn't gone through this to understand how hard it is at times, just as it's hard for me to understand how it is it be really sick, or depressed or any of the things I'm not.  Smoking, not wanting to smoke, quitting smoking - it gives me a whole crap load more empathy for people in their own difficult situations.

You see, I have this great husband.  And, these two great kids.  And I think it's incredibly selfish to be smoking, polluting my body, killing myself, when I have this great family.  And, that's not even mentioning the other members of my family and my great friends.  Where the heck would they be without me?  I mean, come on, I would be doing the world a huge disservice by killing myself through smoking.

The day I had my last cigarette, I had a talk with my 4 year old daughter.  I told her I needed to talk to her, that it was really important.  I think she thought she was in trouble for something, or that she was sentenced to her room for not cleaning it.  I sat her down, looked deep into her eyes, and said, "Mommy is not going to smoke anymore.  Smoking is so bad for me, and I love you guys, and I'm not going to smoke."  She tilted her head, and seemed to get tears in her eyes, mirroring mine.  She thought for a minute and then softly said, "but Mommy, if you hold them carefully, you won't burn yourself!"

Out of the mouths of babes.

That just kind of makes me realize how precious the gifts I am giving up are to me.  Like I said before, I think smoking is selfish.  I am a hypocrite (or I was!).  It's funny, because when people found out I smoked, they were surprised.  I am a 37 year old Mom to 2 young kids, seemingly healthy gal, and smoking is a disgusting little habit - one reserved for other people.  Not me.  Well, I'm a girl who started smoking at 14, was part of a group growing up where 90% of her friends smoked,  watched practically all of them give it up years ago, felt left out because I just couldn't seem to get rid of this nastiness.  But, now I'm saying good bye to it for good.

I'm missing it a little, but not for long.  I'm going to realize how great it is to not be tied down to this addiction. 

I'm not going to be that chick that sneaks outside for a smoke anymore, smelling like stinky butt. 

I'm going to do this.  After all, I don't have it so bad - there is always someone else out there getting through much bigger struggles than mine - and I have so much to gain from this!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Bullet Points

Hopefully that title isn't going to make some total left wing nut think I'm trying to insight hatred...

I digress.

- My daughter called my hubby a "meaniac" because he scared her on purpose the other day.  Love that she created a new word.  She's 4.  I'm calling Websters.  And maybe Guinness.

- I have a cut UNDER my fingernail.  It hurts a lot.  And I can't get it to heal because of all of this handwashing I'm doing to try and stay alive this winter (or at least a little healthy).

- I have a gajillion programs PVR'd that I haven't watched.  I refuse to delete anything - I'll get to it...

- This winter has been so cold and indoorsy- I literally sat here and though if there was actually a way I could climb the walls.  It looked like fun.  Couldn't do it.

- We are buying a treadmill.  Hopefully soon.  And, hopefully we'll be more motivated to get on it and use it than we are about ordering it.  Living up north sucks for having stuff shipped to you.  Nobody will ship the heavy stuff - too costly.

- I am sick and tired of the foxes stealing dirty diapers off of my front porch and leaving them on my driveway.  I realize this makes me sound like the trashiest of the trailer park, but I keep them in a plastic bag, frozen on the porch so I can take them across the street to the bin at night.  Damn foxes.

- I really like that the sun isn't going down before 4pm - and I really like that I can finally see the sun over the roofs of the houses across the street.  For a couple of months, we don't directly see the sun, it's hidden by buildings.  Gettin' out the SPF.

- I should have made my New Year's resolution to go to bed early every night.  Takes away from my "me" time, so midnight or later is usually the norm. 

On that note, I'm going to bed!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Needing to Remember What I've Always Believed

My husband is in a job that moves us around.  A lot.  In the last 10 years, we've moved 4 times.  And, we are on the move again this summer.  There are multiple issues surrounding this move.  Our daughter is starting kindergarten in the fall and it's important that we go to a community with a good school. 

courtesy of google images

Let me rewind a little..

We live in the extreme north of Canada.  Like, 60 miles south of the Arctic Circle.  North.  A lot of the communities up here have a lot of social problems, alcohol problems, etc., therefore, they maybe aren't the best place for your kids to be socializing.  However, these communities sometimes have wonderful teachers at their schools, a lot of times, these teachers also come from the south to work.  Many times, it is difficult to find anything for your kids to do in the community, and with the extreme cold weather, we don't even leave the house on a lot of winter days.

Why are we here, you ask?  Well, with our kids being so young, and with my hubby gaining a promotion to move up here, along with the fact that there is a lot of money to be made up here (read: savings for the kids' educations and our retirements), it seemed attractive to us.  And for the most part, the north is a wonderful place.  I come from a place of extreme cold in the winter from time to time, and we are normally home bodies anyway, so this place kind of fits like a sheepskin glove, so to speak.

We have an opportunity to move to a place where hubby will be working away 2 nights a week, and we only get paid to travel home 1 time a year (as opposed to 2 where we are here).  It's more expensive to get out of (there is a road, and it's a 7 hour drive to much cheaper flights).  The major up side is that the school and preschool in this town is apparently very good.  The more I think about it, and talk about it with my other half, the more sense it makes to us, and the more we are leaning to moving here.  In the end, with all other details out of the way, the experience for the kids is the most important thing here. 

I must sound pretty conflicted, and apologize for babbling, but, like I said - the more I think about it, the more it makes sense.  I love coming to cold, hard convictions.  Hopefully this will be one of them.

And, I need to remember what I've always believed - you are always just where you should be, and you are where you are for a reason. 

Sometimes easier said than done, but in this case, I might be starting to buy it...

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

New Year and I'm Back!

Wow - good thing I don't get paid for this gig!! 

It has been a long while, the last few months have been craaazy!  Home for a visit for 1 1/2 months, back home to the Wells at the beginning of December, Christmas party after Christmas party, trying to get ready for Christmas, hoping/praying/pleading for gifts to arrive in the mail before Christmas (because the only stores we have here only sell $14 milk and $20 Cheeze Whiz).  Whew!  It is now January, and now that Christmas and the visit from the parents is all over, I can take a deep breath and promptly ignore how thick the dust in on my shelves.


Anyhow, I was reading a couple of blogs lately and saw that they did a 2010 questionnaire instead of a yearly recap.  Sounds good to me!  So, thank you Tami at 29 and Holding and Jen at The Tale of Two Coins.  I hope when I read this after I'm done, my year sounds at least a little exciting!!

1. What did you do in 2010 that you had never done before?

I'd never been to the Bahamas, and we went there in March, so I guess that would count!

2. Did you keep your New Year’s Resolution, and will you make more next year?

I don't make resolutions, because I don't have the discipline to keep them.  At all.  I try everyday to be just a little bit better than yesterday, more patient, kinder, etc.  It doesn't always work, and depending on how badly the kids are fighting, I may lose my daily resolve by 10 am!  But, at least I'm still trying everyday - that's what counts to me.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No, but I have a friend that is pregnant now, and I'm waiting for a phone call from my sister any day now to tell me she is too.  (Maybe not, but I can dream, right?)
4. Did anyone close to you die?

My uncle, who is also my Godfather, died in June.

5. What countries did you visit?

We went to the Bahamas in March, and to Vegas in November.  My passport was well used this year!

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

I am always trying for more patience.  I am a self admitted type A personality, so on the rare occasion, patience is hard to find.  I guess I would like to have better parenting skills this year.  Our kids are growing so fast, and they are such awesome people, all I want in this life is to do right by them.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

The kids' birthdays are always important to me, as I never thought I'd be able to celebrate the birthday of one of your kids like everyone else was able to do.  Those two days are really important to me every year.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I would have to say not going insane in a place 2000 miles from home, where you can't drive out, you can only fly out, staying home with the kids 24/7/365.  No really, my biggest achievement this year would be being able to save a whack of money up here.  One of the reasons we moved here was to give ourselves a really big financial boost, enabling us to pay for some of the kids' educations and our retirements.  We're getting a good start here.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I don't know if I've had any colossal failures this year (at least I hope not!!), but I think as a parent, I'm always worried about if I'm doing the right thing with the kids.  I know I've done a lot wrong, but hopefully I've done a lot right, too!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nothing major, thank goodness, but a week before we left for Vegas in November, both hubs and I got sick.  And we spent the week sick in Vegas.  But, I'd rather be sick in Vegas than at home!

11. What was the best thing you bought?

The best thing I bought would be our PVR.  Oh.  My.  God.  I don't know how I lived without it.  Seriously.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Well, that's a tough one.  I could get all political (but really, when it comes to politics, whose behaviour ever really merits celebration?), but I'm going to have to say my hubby's.  He is also type A, so don't get me wrong, he's no angel, but he has been so patient with me this year, he just really loves me so much, even when I can't stand myself!  Yes, I can get cranky at times!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled or depressed?

Hmmmm......I am going to have to go with certain *ahem* politicians.  I just don't get how some people can be so shortsighted, and so married to party politics that they can't even see what is best for people.  And, I'm not even American! 

14. Where did most of your money go this year?

Into savings and the stock market.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

I was really excited to go on our trips - it was nice to have a break away from the kids, but inevitably, we started missing them the first day!  ha!

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?

Anything by Katy Perry, Adam Lambert or Hedley.

17. Compared to this time last year are you a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

Happier, about the same + or - a few lbs. (probably +!) and richer - but far from rich!  ha!

18. What do you wish you had done more of?
I wish I would have taken up a new hobby - I've been thinking of getting a sewing machine, but I part of my marriage contract was that I don't sew and I don't iron, so we'll see where that one goes!

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Ummmm, eat?  No, really, probably stress over things that really I shouldn't stress about.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

We started the day with the four of us opening gifts and cleaning up until about 1 o'clock, then preparing all afternoon for hubby's coworkers and their families to come over for Christmas supper.  (Up here, everyone is away from their families, so everyone kind of hangs out together for the holidays - kind of like our own little northern family!)

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?

Nope, just stayed in love.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

I love the Biggest Loser and Dexter.  Kind of hitting both ends of the spectrum, huh?!

23. Do you hate someone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

I don't think I can say I hate anyone, but of course opinions change about people. 

24. What was the best book you read?

I am just starting a couple of books now, I don't remember any one book standing out this year, hopefully these new books will be good!  (Pinheads and Patriots and the Bush book).

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I didn't discover any new favorite band or singer, but I'm pleasantly surprised at Gwyneth Paltrow.  She can really sing!  Loooooooved her on Glee!!

26. What did you want and get?

To go on vacation!

27. What did you want and not get?

Nothing I can think of.  I'm the person, who, when someone says "what do you want for your birthday or Christmas"  I always reply "nothing - I don't need anything!"

28. What was your favorite film of the year?
I loved Avatar (not sure if I saw it this year or last), and I really liked the new Shrek movie.

29. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?

I was in the Bahamas for my birthday, we sat around and vegged around the pool. 

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

More money, right?

31. How would you describe you personal fashion concept in 2010?

HA!!!  StayathomeMommychic?  AKA - lululemons, hats, sweaters.  Veeeery classy!

32. What kept you sane?

My TV, my PVR, my computer - wait - didn't you mean sane from my kids?  Okay, I think my kids keep my laughing enough to keep most of my sanity!

33. What celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Again, I heart Gwyneth, but I also love Sandy Bullock.  That douche of an ex is such a crap bag.  Seriously, I'd kick his ass for her.  Anyway, back to family friendly programming.....

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

There were a few, and hopefully as a non-American I can have an opinion about some of these! ;)  I just don't get the immigration thing.  I mean, if they're there, and not legally, they get deported.  So what's the problem?  As far as I'm concerned, I wouldn't be opposed to being questioned for no reason, even if I wasn't doing anything wrong.  Really, the authorities should be able to request documentation proving they are there legally at any time, for no reason at all.  If I were American, I'd be cheering that on.  Political rant over.
35. Who did you miss?

After just having spent the last 2 of the last 3 months in close quarters with both of our families, no one.  HA!  Just kidding.  I would say, though, that I miss my sister the most right now.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

I don't think I met anyone this year that I became really close with, but I would have to say in the last couple of years, there is a gal up here that I have become pretty close with.

37. Tell us a valuable lesson you learned in 2010.

I'm not getting any younger, yelling only makes it worse, my kids are full of awesomeness, I am more valuable than I realize.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

"Cause baby you're a firework, come on show 'em what you're worth" Katy Perry "Firework"

Happy New Year!!!